With apologies, pun intended

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking...

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before....

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.... 

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death....

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy....

A hangover is the wrath of grapes....

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play....

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?...

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion....

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red....

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I....

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired....

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)...

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana....

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes...

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off....

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion....

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed...

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress....

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered...

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it....
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under....

Every calendar's days are numbered....

A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine....

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat...

He had a photographic memory that was never developed....

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large....

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall....

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.....

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses....
Acupuncture is a jab well done.

(Thanks, Lainey, I think)