You shoont opened this blog

Realizing she shoont.

My insane and dear (which describes most of them) friend Rick asked me this morning, "Is shouldn't a contraction?"

"Yes."

"So is shouldn't've a double contraction?"

"Must be."

"Is a double contraction legal?"

"In some states."

"What is a double contraction?"

"That's when a woman is really, really about to have a baby."

"No, that's when a woman is about to have twins."

Rick had me there. So, as it developed, shouldn't've is a contraction of should not have.

"But," Rick says, "my wife contracts that to shoonta." As in, "You shoonta taken a nap."

Most important things in life revolve around naps.

"Maybe there's yet another contraction waiting," I said.

"Shoont," Rick said.

"You," I said, "shoont have started this conversation."