Just the facts, ma'am

Mark Jaffe, one of the 'World's 100 Most Influential Headhunters,' according to BusinessWeek magazine, sees way too many resumes.

Just been reading your resume. Say, are you really a “hands-on” executive?  Would your administrative assistant be willing to go on the record with that? And what’s the opposite of “results-driven,” anyway? Results-averse? Results-agnostic? Process-obsessed?

Less is more. And vice versa.

If you begin your summary by claiming to be a “seasoned, savvy professional with a distinguished career,” there’s nothing left for me to do but hand over my wife and kids. Seriously, good luck with them. Before I forget to ask, did your last employer sign off on you being a “visionary, world-class entrepreneur,” or did you kinda decide that on your own?

The same goes for cover letters. Here’s an actual, unedited excerpt from one of my favorite cover letters:

Twenty four (24) months later, after having done what I had always opted to accomplish and had dreamt to realize, i.e. ride my Harley Davidson, teach, hike and paint; a kind of ennui started to crawl all over me. I began to feel a little melancholy and earnestly yearn for the days when quotidian nonetheless grueling challenges were posed to me and interminable dynamic strategy formulation as well as decision making processes were factually a way of life, a kind of a circadian routine!

Here’s another — the preferred method — reproduced in full:

Attached is my resume. It’s my hope that I will bring value to one of your clients.

I rest my case.

I dunno. I kinda liked that ennui crawling all over me thing.