Cut the clutter

Richard Nordquist on his Grammar & Composition blog:

1. Reduce Long Clauses. When editing, try to reduce long clauses to shorter phrases:

Wordy: The clown who was in the center ring was riding a tricycle.

Revised: The clown in the center ring was riding a tricycle

2. Reduce Phrases. Likewise, try to reduce phrases to single words:

Wordy: The clown at the end of the line tried to sweep up the spotlight.

Revised: The last clown tried to sweep up the spotlight.

3. Avoid Empty Openers. Avoid There is, There are, and There were as sentence openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a sentence:

Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal.

Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal.

Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate.

Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate.

4. Don't Overwork Modifiers. Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a sentence.

Wordy: By the time she got home, Merdine was very tired.

Revised: By the time she got home, Merdine was exhausted

Wordy: She was also really hungry.

Revised: She was also hungry [or famished].

5. Avoid Redundancies. Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use more words than necessary to make a point) with precise words.

Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work.

Revised: Now we should edit our work.